A little bit about India...
Hey guys,
Well I haven't yet been on a traineeship, but last semester I studied abroad in New Delhi, India for six months. I guess you could say that I got a little bit of a cultural experience! Here's something I wrote after I attended my first Indian wedding in India....
"I just returned last night from a wedding that lasted four days and was unlike anything I had ever seen. Talk about culture shock! One of the girls in my group has family near Delhi, and her cousin was getting married so she invited us all along. There were six of us that went and it was a great time. The family is are Sikhs from Punjab- so it wasn't a "traditional" Hindu wedding (although in India "traditional" can mean thousands of different things so this is impossible to generalize).
We left at 4am on a Thursday morning to make the drive from Delhi to a small (and by small..I mean TINY!) village in Haryana, which is the state directly north of Delhi (Delhi is not part of any state, it is kind of like Washington DC in the sense that it is autonomous). It was about a 4 or 5 hour drive and there were 6 of us plus the driver PACKED into a tiny little SUV. We met up with some of the rest of the family that was also coming from Delhi and then we finally reached the village. We went to a large house where Navi's (the girl in my group whose cousin was getting married) family lived. It was a haveli, which is a HUGE house in which an entire extended family lives in, characterized by a large open courtyard in the center. We made the introductions and then sat down gurdwara-style (a gurdwara is the Sikh place of worship) to eat aloo puri. This consists of everyone sitting on the floor with a thali plate (a large plate with multiple compartments on it to put different foods) while someone comes by and basically dumps food on your plate. Aloo puri is so far one of my favorite things: puri is a type of pita-like bread (but deep-fried) which you use to scoop up the aloo (potatoes). The amazing thing about gurdwaras is that if they are well funded enough, you can go there and get a free meal! Me and a couple other girls did this one day in Old Delhi where there is a large gurdwara, and it was a really cool experience to sit in this HUGE hall with at least 500 other people just being served for free by the gurdwara. It was a very welcoming place.
Back to the wedding...after eating we had the mehndi. Mehndi is the same thing as henna- and for Indian weddings there can be an entire day devoted to just the application of the mehndi. The bride's mehndi went all the way up her arms and feet and was so intricate and beautiful. It is a custom to have the names of the bride and groom hidden somewhere in the mehndi designs, but we looked and couldn't find them anywhere! That's how well they were hidden. I had both my hands done as well:
After we got it done we had to wait around for it to dry and then we drove again to another small village where we went to yet another family house and got to eat sugar cane in the fields and eventually change into our clothes. Then we went to the first party- which was solely for the bride's family. It was the ladies' sangeet party (sangeet means song). The actual ceremony only involved the women, but the entire bride's family was invited. The women sat around in a circle and sang songs with the bride. Then, all the bride's sisters and sisterly figures took turns passing what looks like a copper pot on their heads to all the elders of the family. This was to signify that the elders were approving of the marriage. If any of you have seen Bend It Like Beckham, this same ritual was done in the movie! (it's the part where Jess is holding the pot on her head for her sister who is getting married with a huge crowd around her).
After that there was much eating and bhangra dancing. Bhangra is a type of dance that originates from Punjab, and for goris like us, it basically just involved moving our shoulders up and down a lot in order to make it look like we knew what we were doing. But it's a lot of fun and the music always makes you want to dance! There were at least 500 people at the wedding, but really only the immediate family was dancing. So we had a good time dancing with the bride and her sisters and avoiding the stares of the random village people that decided to show up.
the bride and I showing off our bhangra skills!
The next day was the actual ceremony. First we went to a banquet hall where the bride's family waited to receive the groom's family. In keeping with Indian tradition, this was supposed to start at 9am but didn't actual start till at least noon. The bride was not there- she waited to make her appearance until the actual ceremony- but everyone on her side waited to receive the groom and his entire family. Finally he showed up wearing his traditional wedding garb. He wore a red turban on his head with of gold garlands covering his face.
Then there was a ceremony where the father of the bride officially received the groom and approved him. Then he took the garlands off his face so all could see. The the groom walked over to where the bride's family was standing, which was separated by a ribbon. The bride's sister and the groom, from opposite sides of the ribbon, then negotiated on the price of the bride. While this was all done in a very lighthearted manner and wasn't necessarily a dowry, the groom did eventually receive the money. When they came to an agreement, the groom cut the ribbon, the two sides converged and there was much cheering, bhangra dancing, and whiskey drinking by all the men of both families.
Keep in mind that the bride was not present at all during this, since there were not actually married at this point. The bride did not appear until we went to the gurdwara which was where the actual religious ceremony was held. It was a very beautiful ceremony and the bride was wearing so much gold that I thought she would fall over! The bride did not wear the traditional red sari but instead wore a gold lehnga (another type of Indian dress). She had red and gold wedding bangles up her entire arms, huge gold earrings, and more jewels all over. That morning, there was a ritual in which the bride and her sisters and aunts and female cousins all bathed her and then put the wedding bangles on her arms. The ceremony itself was fairly short. It was conducted in Punjabi so I couldn't understand a lot of it, but it was easy to infer what was going on (Punjabi is the language of Sikhism and of those that are from the state of Punjab). We all sat on the floor of the prayer hall, women on one side and men on the other. The bride and groom were at the front and the bride's sisters sat up there with her. My favorite part of the ceremony was when the bride and groom took 4 laps around the altar. At intervals throughout their walk around the altar, the bride's brothers took turns walking her around it. It was to signify that even though she was leaving the family, her brothers and brotherly figures would always be there for her in her path of life. The whole time, her brothers would have one arm around their sister and the other on a handkerchief wiping away tears. And the bride's father was in tears the entire time! You could tell it was very bittersweet for the entire family.
After the ceremony, we went back to the banquet hall where there was a lot more eating and dancing. This time however, the brides family did not dance since the metaphorical giving away of their daughter was a somber event. However, it was a happy occasion for the groom's family since they were welcoming another member into the family. At the end, when the bride drove away with her new husband and in laws, her brothers led her to the car and then right before she was about the get in she turned back and ran to her father. Then all her brothers, her mother and her sister surrounded her for one big family hug. And even after she got in the car, her brothers had their hands on the window of the car during the procession out of the parking lot.
finally married!
Although many weddings in India are still arranged (I would say still the vast majority, even in a huge city like Delhi), this one was not. The couple had actually met on Shaadi.com , which is an Indian wedding website (shaadi means wedding in many Indian languages). They talked online for a long time but they had only met a couple times before the wedding. So while this wasn't considered a "love marriage", it wasn't arranged either. I think the reason the bride's family was so incredibly sad to see their daughter go was because they were scared about her marrying someone she barely knew but that they also hadn't arranged themselves. Also, the groom was in the middle of pursuing an MBA in Ireland so she is moving there with him. Her family wouldn't even be able to really visit with her for at least a few years. Indian extended family are extremely close knit so it was very hard to see her go.
all the goris, in one big attention-grabbing group picture
The wedding I attended was one between two people of very high class..so it was very extravagant and both families could afford to spend money on all the extra rituals. But a wedding of a lower class or caste would be much much smaller and would not be nearly as showy. But even among the lower classes, shaadis are huge occasions and families spend much more money that they can afford.
As you can imagine, a group of ten white girls at a Punjabi wedding in the middle of boofoo Haryana attracted a lot of attention. At one point, we were driving through another small town on the way to one of the parties, and this town happened to be hosting a mela (festival) at the time. The streets were even more flooded with people that in the middle of Old Delhi! Because of the festival, the streets were so crowded that we had to stop the car. Immediately, all us girls put our dupattas over our heads...but the damage had already been done. Within seconds word spread throughout the entire village that there was a car full of white girls stopped in the middle of the road. People swarmed our tiny SUV from every direction; women, children, men, even the dogs seemed to be surrounding us! Everyone was banging on the windows and trying to get us to roll them down. Our driver was just laughing the whole time. I remember being simulateously amused and scared that our car was going to get flipped over.
Once we finally arrived at the party, we decided that we weren't being American enough and that we probably should make even more of a scene. Well, it didn't take us long to accomplish that. The wedding site was intricately decorated with garlands and pillars and such, and our car (on accident) drove straight through a too-small archway that was interwoven with flowers. Yes...we knocked the entire thing down...HELLO FROM AMERICA!
the archway we knocked over
The next day was spent entirely travelling to the next destination. For the ladies' sangeet we were in the bride's hometown in Haryana, but for the actual ceremony we had to go to Rudrapur which is in Uttaranchal, another neighboring state. It was a 12 hour car ride and basically that's what we spent the entire day doing. And as you can imagine, Indian highways are basically potholes with some road mixed in...so it was a 12-hour roller coaster to say the least. I cannot explain the situation of north Indian highways. We drove for 12 hours straight that day, and I don't think there was any point at which another human being was not visible. People were everywhere, all the time: on the sides of the roads, in the fields, riding on top of cars, on camels or donkeys...
typical interstate street scene
The roads are also generally in horrible condition. When this is combined with cars moving at high speeds and people walking around everywhere, the outcome is not always good. At one point, we were driving on a smaller interstate road and saw ahead of us a large gathering of people. We slowed down the car a little bit as we passed, only to see a girl laying on the pavement, with a crashed car and a motorcycle nearby. She was surrounded by passer-bys, the driver of the car and the motorcycle, and a pool of blood. As we passed, we wondered, should we stop and help? It seemed like common sense to at least stop and see if there was anything we could do. But in India, common sense takes on a different meaning. Unfortunately, this situation was not uncommon at all. In fact, it was probably a daily occurance on that stretch of road. If we would have stopped, we would have only made more of a scene and there is nothing that we could have done. In north India, there is definitely a mentality (and this is greatly reflected in the Hindi language, I have found) that whatever happens, happens. Kya hoga, hoga. This is the way of life and it isn't our place to change it.
Well I haven't yet been on a traineeship, but last semester I studied abroad in New Delhi, India for six months. I guess you could say that I got a little bit of a cultural experience! Here's something I wrote after I attended my first Indian wedding in India....
"I just returned last night from a wedding that lasted four days and was unlike anything I had ever seen. Talk about culture shock! One of the girls in my group has family near Delhi, and her cousin was getting married so she invited us all along. There were six of us that went and it was a great time. The family is are Sikhs from Punjab- so it wasn't a "traditional" Hindu wedding (although in India "traditional" can mean thousands of different things so this is impossible to generalize).
We left at 4am on a Thursday morning to make the drive from Delhi to a small (and by small..I mean TINY!) village in Haryana, which is the state directly north of Delhi (Delhi is not part of any state, it is kind of like Washington DC in the sense that it is autonomous). It was about a 4 or 5 hour drive and there were 6 of us plus the driver PACKED into a tiny little SUV. We met up with some of the rest of the family that was also coming from Delhi and then we finally reached the village. We went to a large house where Navi's (the girl in my group whose cousin was getting married) family lived. It was a haveli, which is a HUGE house in which an entire extended family lives in, characterized by a large open courtyard in the center. We made the introductions and then sat down gurdwara-style (a gurdwara is the Sikh place of worship) to eat aloo puri. This consists of everyone sitting on the floor with a thali plate (a large plate with multiple compartments on it to put different foods) while someone comes by and basically dumps food on your plate. Aloo puri is so far one of my favorite things: puri is a type of pita-like bread (but deep-fried) which you use to scoop up the aloo (potatoes). The amazing thing about gurdwaras is that if they are well funded enough, you can go there and get a free meal! Me and a couple other girls did this one day in Old Delhi where there is a large gurdwara, and it was a really cool experience to sit in this HUGE hall with at least 500 other people just being served for free by the gurdwara. It was a very welcoming place.
Back to the wedding...after eating we had the mehndi. Mehndi is the same thing as henna- and for Indian weddings there can be an entire day devoted to just the application of the mehndi. The bride's mehndi went all the way up her arms and feet and was so intricate and beautiful. It is a custom to have the names of the bride and groom hidden somewhere in the mehndi designs, but we looked and couldn't find them anywhere! That's how well they were hidden. I had both my hands done as well:
After we got it done we had to wait around for it to dry and then we drove again to another small village where we went to yet another family house and got to eat sugar cane in the fields and eventually change into our clothes. Then we went to the first party- which was solely for the bride's family. It was the ladies' sangeet party (sangeet means song). The actual ceremony only involved the women, but the entire bride's family was invited. The women sat around in a circle and sang songs with the bride. Then, all the bride's sisters and sisterly figures took turns passing what looks like a copper pot on their heads to all the elders of the family. This was to signify that the elders were approving of the marriage. If any of you have seen Bend It Like Beckham, this same ritual was done in the movie! (it's the part where Jess is holding the pot on her head for her sister who is getting married with a huge crowd around her).
After that there was much eating and bhangra dancing. Bhangra is a type of dance that originates from Punjab, and for goris like us, it basically just involved moving our shoulders up and down a lot in order to make it look like we knew what we were doing. But it's a lot of fun and the music always makes you want to dance! There were at least 500 people at the wedding, but really only the immediate family was dancing. So we had a good time dancing with the bride and her sisters and avoiding the stares of the random village people that decided to show up.
the bride and I showing off our bhangra skills!
Then there was a ceremony where the father of the bride officially received the groom and approved him. Then he took the garlands off his face so all could see. The the groom walked over to where the bride's family was standing, which was separated by a ribbon. The bride's sister and the groom, from opposite sides of the ribbon, then negotiated on the price of the bride. While this was all done in a very lighthearted manner and wasn't necessarily a dowry, the groom did eventually receive the money. When they came to an agreement, the groom cut the ribbon, the two sides converged and there was much cheering, bhangra dancing, and whiskey drinking by all the men of both families.
Keep in mind that the bride was not present at all during this, since there were not actually married at this point. The bride did not appear until we went to the gurdwara which was where the actual religious ceremony was held. It was a very beautiful ceremony and the bride was wearing so much gold that I thought she would fall over! The bride did not wear the traditional red sari but instead wore a gold lehnga (another type of Indian dress). She had red and gold wedding bangles up her entire arms, huge gold earrings, and more jewels all over. That morning, there was a ritual in which the bride and her sisters and aunts and female cousins all bathed her and then put the wedding bangles on her arms. The ceremony itself was fairly short. It was conducted in Punjabi so I couldn't understand a lot of it, but it was easy to infer what was going on (Punjabi is the language of Sikhism and of those that are from the state of Punjab). We all sat on the floor of the prayer hall, women on one side and men on the other. The bride and groom were at the front and the bride's sisters sat up there with her. My favorite part of the ceremony was when the bride and groom took 4 laps around the altar. At intervals throughout their walk around the altar, the bride's brothers took turns walking her around it. It was to signify that even though she was leaving the family, her brothers and brotherly figures would always be there for her in her path of life. The whole time, her brothers would have one arm around their sister and the other on a handkerchief wiping away tears. And the bride's father was in tears the entire time! You could tell it was very bittersweet for the entire family.
After the ceremony, we went back to the banquet hall where there was a lot more eating and dancing. This time however, the brides family did not dance since the metaphorical giving away of their daughter was a somber event. However, it was a happy occasion for the groom's family since they were welcoming another member into the family. At the end, when the bride drove away with her new husband and in laws, her brothers led her to the car and then right before she was about the get in she turned back and ran to her father. Then all her brothers, her mother and her sister surrounded her for one big family hug. And even after she got in the car, her brothers had their hands on the window of the car during the procession out of the parking lot.
finally married!
all the goris, in one big attention-grabbing group pictureThe wedding I attended was one between two people of very high class..so it was very extravagant and both families could afford to spend money on all the extra rituals. But a wedding of a lower class or caste would be much much smaller and would not be nearly as showy. But even among the lower classes, shaadis are huge occasions and families spend much more money that they can afford.
As you can imagine, a group of ten white girls at a Punjabi wedding in the middle of boofoo Haryana attracted a lot of attention. At one point, we were driving through another small town on the way to one of the parties, and this town happened to be hosting a mela (festival) at the time. The streets were even more flooded with people that in the middle of Old Delhi! Because of the festival, the streets were so crowded that we had to stop the car. Immediately, all us girls put our dupattas over our heads...but the damage had already been done. Within seconds word spread throughout the entire village that there was a car full of white girls stopped in the middle of the road. People swarmed our tiny SUV from every direction; women, children, men, even the dogs seemed to be surrounding us! Everyone was banging on the windows and trying to get us to roll them down. Our driver was just laughing the whole time. I remember being simulateously amused and scared that our car was going to get flipped over.
Once we finally arrived at the party, we decided that we weren't being American enough and that we probably should make even more of a scene. Well, it didn't take us long to accomplish that. The wedding site was intricately decorated with garlands and pillars and such, and our car (on accident) drove straight through a too-small archway that was interwoven with flowers. Yes...we knocked the entire thing down...HELLO FROM AMERICA!
the archway we knocked overThe next day was spent entirely travelling to the next destination. For the ladies' sangeet we were in the bride's hometown in Haryana, but for the actual ceremony we had to go to Rudrapur which is in Uttaranchal, another neighboring state. It was a 12 hour car ride and basically that's what we spent the entire day doing. And as you can imagine, Indian highways are basically potholes with some road mixed in...so it was a 12-hour roller coaster to say the least. I cannot explain the situation of north Indian highways. We drove for 12 hours straight that day, and I don't think there was any point at which another human being was not visible. People were everywhere, all the time: on the sides of the roads, in the fields, riding on top of cars, on camels or donkeys...
typical interstate street sceneThe roads are also generally in horrible condition. When this is combined with cars moving at high speeds and people walking around everywhere, the outcome is not always good. At one point, we were driving on a smaller interstate road and saw ahead of us a large gathering of people. We slowed down the car a little bit as we passed, only to see a girl laying on the pavement, with a crashed car and a motorcycle nearby. She was surrounded by passer-bys, the driver of the car and the motorcycle, and a pool of blood. As we passed, we wondered, should we stop and help? It seemed like common sense to at least stop and see if there was anything we could do. But in India, common sense takes on a different meaning. Unfortunately, this situation was not uncommon at all. In fact, it was probably a daily occurance on that stretch of road. If we would have stopped, we would have only made more of a scene and there is nothing that we could have done. In north India, there is definitely a mentality (and this is greatly reflected in the Hindi language, I have found) that whatever happens, happens. Kya hoga, hoga. This is the way of life and it isn't our place to change it.
posted by Laura at
1:56 PM
2 Comments:
amazing post!! Man, I wish I had documented everything while I was in Morocco - at least I have my journal and pictures for memories. But it was almost as if I was there with you at the wedding, all those colors - I could only imagine the spectacularness! Weddings are absolutely amazing ways to experience cultures right? I still have yet to attend an american one...
but wait? I thought your video did upload...thats what it looked like on the blog summary page...but I guess this is just me getting used to all of this!
Laura your post is amazing! I love all the detail and how you described the significance of each step. Also interesting to read about a couple that met on shaadi.com - I've never actually known anyone who met and got married from that!
I have been to lots of weddings where there was a random group of Americans - let me just say you guys did a great job of keeing the middle ground with the inevitable sticking out like a sore thumb. And you look very natural in your clothes!
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